Happy Love Day

It's February 14th as I write this, and I'm ready to take back "Evil Monday."

Fourteen days from today will be the anniversary of the day my husband told me he wanted a divorce. Since then, I've survived my birthday--alone; the anniversary of the day we met--alone; his birthday--alone; Thanksgiving; Christmas; not going to Hawaii with his family; New Year's Eve; New Year's Day; our wedding anniversary, and by now? To put it mildly, I've had enough of surviving.

Who says that holidays are only for couples; only for children; only for everyone but crazy unwanted old cat ladies like me?

Growing up old and depressed, I can't remember a time when I didn't feel cynical about the occasions I was told to celebrate. I didn't need to be an adult to know that Christmas morning would somehow be a let-down; that Dad would be sick for the holidays; that the presents at Grandma's house had never stepped foot near Santa, and that staying up past midnight on New Year's Eve didn't bring life much magic.

Until I was 25, I lived every moment thinking that someday I'd have someone to share this with--whether this was Christmas Eve, a falling star, a sunset or Valentine's Day--and that sharing it was what would make it special.

But being together doesn't make everything special in the same way that being apart doesn't make it meaningless.

A fight can ruin a sunset; a little boy's laughter can make you smile when you want to cry; a "friend" can brighten a blackout, and the commercialization of a day like Christmas, your wedding or Valentine's Day can utterly ruin the moment.

So alone or together, I'll go to bed before midnight on New Year's Eve if I'm tired. I'll love roses and chocolate just as much on March 14th as I do one month earlier. I'll remember my mother on Mother's Day whether she's here or in heaven. I'll celebrate my birthday whether I have children and grandchildren to celebrate with me or not. And I'll be grateful for every moment I'm given--no more past; no more future. Every sunset is precious; every falling star; every kiss; every smile, and every flower--and every one may just be the last one ever.

So Happy Love Day everyone--today; tomorrow; whenever.